5 SIGNS YOU’RE A NEW AGE HIPPIE

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5 SIGNS YOU’RE A NEW AGE HIPPIE

For years, hippies battled the stereotype of being pot-smoking beach bums with dreadlocks who work at the local organic cafe. Although this notion is true for many, new age hippies are making a comeback while holding onto hip-notic roots. Whether you are a trendy vegan or you birthed your child naturally in a bathtub wearing a pair of geek-sheek glasses, the following seven signs are clear indicators that you are a modern, new age hippie.

A Burrito Wrapper is Your Resume Paper
Reduce, reuse, recycle. Why kill another tree when your perfectly non-slopped burrito wrapper is the most creative method of landing your dream job at the organic smoothie shack. Did your macrobiotic guacamole leak onto the wrapper? No problem. You head to Chipotle and demand a fresh, clean wrapper. All those corporate, one-percent greedy businesses need to contribute to the system. #screwthesystem

You Know Life is an Illusion
You are completely aware that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Your mission on planet earth is to expand your soul’s existence while rocking your space suit, the human body. You are more concerned about the planet earth jammin’ through the solar system and Mayan predictions rather than contributing to the false realities of the system.

Solstice is a Public Holiday
Back to the sun topic, you know the sun rules human life.  Naked bike rides, spirit circles and gong meditations are essential to kick-start the summer season’s energy. You know without the sun humans and life cannot exist.

You Vacation in Energetic Zones
You are an authentic New-Age person if you vacation in energy-producing zones such as the vortex thumping, Sedona, Arizona or the psychic town, Lilydale, New York. Burning Man balances, rather than burns, you out. Tulum, Mexico is the best place on earth because the Mayans grounded countless swirls of energy from Chichen Itza to the cenote. You cleanse your soul in Ibiza with electronic music, remote shorelines and Spanish sphalerite-gemstone earrings purchased from a starving artist at the hippie market. The “soul” purpose of traveling is to rebalance your chakras and express your true, Bohemian identity.

Processed Food is the Devil
The devil isn’t some invisible creature running around in a red cape with bullhorns and a trident. The true devil is the FDA, Big Pharma and the processed food industry. Hippies are health conscious beings and you know your body is a temple. Processed food is not only a cancer-causing substance, but this chemical-laced food is the rich man’s greedy method to make people ill. You imagine a life of backyard-grown vegetables and farmer’s market-fresh fruit. Oh what the hell, why not piss off the grid and create a communal farm somewhere on the mountainside. Someone has to change the planet, right?

We love you, just remember that.